On a recent hike through Jellystone National Park, Saturday Morning Forever stumbled across an empty pic-a-nic basket. Next to it: a snoring Yogi Bear. We gently nudged him awake, dug out the tape recorder and fed him four questions.
SMF: Should one wear a ski mask when boosting picnic baskets?
Yogi: Ab-a-so-lutely not. Masks draw unwanted attention -- that's what I never understood about Secret Squirrel -- if he wanted to be secret, he shoulda got rid of the mask and oh, I don't know, hid his TAIL? I mean, everyone sees this SQUIRREL ... in a MASK. Where's the secret? But I digress -- as I was saying, no masks -- they cause folks to call the ranger. I recommend a more subtle disguise, like a simple hat, collar and tie. You'll blend right into the scenery that way. You hear me, Squirrel?
SMF: Boxers or briefs?
Yogi: Neither. In my trade, I gotta be streamlined, built for speed, know what I mean? Boxers are not aerodynamic, and briefs, well, let's just say briefs can bind the ol' jellystones.
SMF: Think of a sandwich condiment -- now think of another -- and now think of one more -- and name that one, the third one that came to mind.
Yogi: What the H is a con-dee-mint?
SMF: It's the stuff you put on bread when making a sandwich.
SMF: No, it's the spreadable stuff you put --
Yogi: Peanut Butter.
SMF: Um, no --
SMF: No --
Yogi: I don't understand the question. Which is clearly your issue, 'cuz I'm smarter than the average bear.
SMF: Let's move on.
Yogi: Fine by me.
SMF: So, just how smart is the average bear?
Yogi: Honestly, not that smart. The average bear has an IQ of 73. Like Jessica Simpson. Or that hammer head she married. Or you.Related Articles